"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wish I could take it  all back

jBc
15 yrs old

My Last Explanation

The main reason I started to drink more and more was to numb the pain of my problems. I wanted to grow up normal. And just like any little girl I wanted to be accepted. But most of all I wanted to feel pretty…which in my life I have never felt, I wanted to have a family, to feel loved and growing up I never got that. In my life it was survive for your self or die. So I saw people live their life so unhealthy regardless if it was with relationships or with their lives. I thought everything I done was the right thing….but “yep” you have guessed right. Everything I have done to solve my problems was twistedly wrong, for god’s sake, I let myself live with really abusive friends and boyfriends thinking every thing will change, but reality was I was the one who needed to do that. So I first turned to suicide but that didn’t work. So I turned to drinking. It felt like I got every thing I ever wanted. I felt like I had friends who accepted me, or guys who thought I was pretty…I fell for every trick thinking they loved me. But the main reason, I tried so dam hard to escape reality was because my brother continued to rape me until the age of twelve. I tried to tell people even the one who I thought would believe me…my own mom and she thought I was lying. It makes me so sick to think of someone who was supposed to be there to shelter me away from evil things does something that digs deeper than the scars on my arms or my heart. It’s funny how the world works because I forgave him, still to this day I don’t know why. Maybe it was because it was easy to lie to myself, thinking it was just the anger takin’ out on me for my dad leaving or for our mom struggling all our lives. But he did it because he wanted to. But now I have the strength to know the differences between what’s actually right and what’s wrong. It’s not too late to take back the rhanes on my life. Thank you for letting me see what I needed to see. It really hurt, but it was worth it. I have my life back, and I can be happy. You showed me the virtue of patience. And never again will I ever take anything for granted. So I understand I made a horrible mistake. And I realize you’ve taken more than you deserve. I never intended to hurt you the way I did. So before you walked away I want to let you know it was your love that gave me my strength to see reality…thank you to myself.

mB
17 yrs old

It’s on Everything

My handsome looks,
I put that on my parents.
Because with mom as pretty as she is.
And dad as handsome as he is
I just couldn’t miss.

My hard head
I put that on my father
Alone,
Because just like he wanted to do his thing
I wanted to do mine.

My poise
I put that on my grandmother
Because whenever I got
too hot
she made sure
to cool my ass
back down.

My determination
I put that on my race
Because who else
has struggled
as much as we have
pushing, striving
and surviving?

My greediness
I put that on Canada
Because of the war
we are a free country
dam sure
makes you want everything.

My craftiness
I put that on the streets
of Fort McMurray
Slipping, sliding and hidin’
to hold my things down.

My confidence
I put that on myself.
Because
To just think that
I was
born with it.

And my success
I put on everything
Because everything I’ve done
Seen
or been through
prepared me for
who I am today
and all that I do
for tomorrow.

jL
17 yrs old

Don't Give A Dam

I hear that you want to see me,
But I can’t let it go, not that easy.
I only know what I feel,
And I feel I can’t trust you.
Keep it real, I don’t need you,
To think that I’ll ever be like you.
It’s sad that you’re my dad,
And I don’t know you.
You was never there,
Probably didn’t care.
I needed you by my side,
But instead you decided to hide.
You never gave a dam,
To find out who I am.
It’s too late to communicate.
It’s hard for me to hate you,
When she says I am just like you.
So I pray to God everyday,
To change my ways,
Before I end up like you.

Eb
17 Yrs Old

Lost and Confused

It’s hard for me to look in the mirror
All I see is a life that’s not worth living for

Dreams of pain, suffering and surrounding me
My innocence was lost long ago
The pain that lies so deep within
That makes my spirit grow so dim

Having absolutely no one on my side
One thing that I have none of is pride
Always wondering when I’m going to die
I hear my desperate cry

So much of my life has been wasted
So many days, I sit thinking
So many nights, I lay awake
Asking myself why?
Why does the world seem so unreal?

eB
18 Yrs Old

These images in my head are evil because all I ever see is burnt buildings and people shooting people. So why don't we all drop a couple of bombs and blow away the human race because all's we are is just a disgrace when all's we do is hate n' degrate and just wait to see the difference between the good and evil in all our people. I ain't no thug, I ain't no gangsta, I'm not a follower and a wanna be. I'm just me, a kid livin' tha ghetto, spittin' my blow, stayin' true to my bros cuz that's the way its suppose to be. This world is going crazy, kids are packin' guns, direspectin' their moms. When is everyone going to see that we're letting it happen. I ask myself, I'm a part of the problem. I ain't, I'm up here, hopin' n spittin', cuz thats who I am. I'm for real, I'm me and that's the only way its got to be.
                                                        
Ao
1987-2006

                                                                                  I am Canadian

I’m a picnic; I’m mothers home made pie,
I’m a kite-flyer in Hobbema,
I’m a nap on the porch after a day of hard work,
I’m a snowball fight in Edmonton,
I’m a father, who lost a son in the Great War,
I’m a groom with a brand new ring,
I’m an Easterner, I’m a Westerner,
I’m from the north, I’m from the south,
I’ve sang pow-wow and I loved it.
I’m a clown in the rodeo,
I’m a hockey game in Edmonton,
I’m a babysitter making money,
I’m a Sweat Lodge,
I’m a canoe in the North Saskatchewan River,
I’m a mortgage, I’m a loan.
I’m last weeks unpaid rent,
I’m a pow-wow dancer,
I’m a hand made hand drum,
I’m a wheat field and a sunset,
I’m Doreen on Athabasca,
I’m the Calgary stampede,
I’m a bar room fight.
I’m a Cree Indian, I’m the French, I am the English,
and I am Métis,
But more than this,
Above all
I am Canadian and proud to be free.

 sM
16 Yrs Old