I am attracted to the unconventional approach to things. I see the benefit in thoughts and ideas that are not so readily accepted by the people around me. I am a people watcher. My eyes are open wider than normal. People, places and things are always catching my attention. I am a loner and I stick close to my family and friends. I hated school and I hated my teachers even more. Mean sons of bitches! But they taught me what I don’t want to be like. I flunked out of high school but 10 years later, went on to get a college diploma.

I constantly have a traffic jam in my brain. New ideas are always creeping up on me, awake, asleep doesn’t matter.  And my energy can move through things like lightning. ‘They’ say the youth I work with are A.D.D. but I think it’s because they hang around me too much. In my universe, youth are the sun and everything and everybody else rotates around them. I don’t break away from my ethics and moral values, especially since I work in an environment that is absolutely not conducive to my personality. I believe that action speaks volumes more than words. Sometimes I just shrug my shoulders and throw up my hands because everybody has a right to express themselves without judgment or criticism. And they can have their own drama. I believe the greatest path to one’s own genuineness is to live by their personal convictions.

All my life I struggled with my identity, as if I were walking on the outside of life. Either I was not ‘Indian’ enough or too ‘White’. If it doesn’t matter to the youth I work with why should it matter to anyone else. I am a dam proud Métis. And I have been blessed with two cultures. I have had to learn to deal with it so will everyone else and if they can’t, that’s their problem and they can kiss my ass.

Every time I start to feel sorry for myself, I think of all the shit my mom’s been through, worked at, put up with, survived, sacrificed, and accomplished.

I desperately need a ‘breathing break’ to re-charge my batteries. Every now and then I wish I had less on my plate, but then again I would be totally lost if I woke up one morning and found nothing to do!

I spent a lifetime training in gymnastics and putting up with leotards that wanted to creep up places they shouldn't. What can I say, it was a great ride!  And I have spent almost another life span teaching it. But after 28 years of coaching I have decided to cut the strings and pack it in. Sticking your leg behind your ear when you are young is hard enough, never mind still trying to do it at 41.

At times I feel a bit lost in this life. A sense of longing or homesickness for something I cannot identify. Disappointments from my past simply don't matter anymore. I wish I could divorce my emotions. The most healing thing for my soul has been the time I spend with youth.

DkL

DISCLAIMER: If you find anything from me offensive, inappropriate, or disruptive, please ignore it. If you don't know how to ignore, complain to me and I will be only too happy to demonstrate... ;-)
Dee